You Have More Control Than You Think When You Choose Collaborative Divorce3 min read
When you are facing the possibility of divorce, it is important for you to see that you are not a powerless victim. You don’t need to worry about your future. You can simply create your future by choosing the collaborative divorce process where you put together a powerful team of experts to put you in control of the outcome.
Collaborative Divorce is similar to mediation but generally more effective in that both parties have their own attorney to advise them and there is a team environment where additional professionals are added as needed. The result is that you end up getting “the best bang for your buck” because you are paying for only those professionals that can help you the most. For example, you don’t want to pay your lawyer to put together a parenting plan for you and your spouse. You’d be far better off paying for a co-parenting coach as part of your collaborative divorce team who would likely take less time while being far more effective. Believe it or not, the collaborative divorce process will very likely cost less money than hiring a litigation happy lawyer with his or her own agenda (for instance, winning and making lots of money).
Also, during the Collaborative Divorce process, you will most likely learn to manage your emotions and communicate effectively. This is crucial for a successful outcome. It all starts with identifying your values, goals and interests. To get a jump start, think about what your passions are. In other words, describe for yourself what your life would look like if it were ideal. This process is explained in detail in the best selling book, The Passion Test by Janet Attwood and Chris Attwood, which says that your passions will lead you to your highest values. The book explains that to identify your passions, ask yourself what specifically would you be doing and who would you be with. The key is to map out and write down your ideal life as specifically and in as much detail as possible.
Then through the collaborative divorce process, you can begin to identify your values. For example, do you value family, integrity, honoring your commitments, self-respect and respect for others, compassion, making a difference, excellence, honesty? Be specific in defining your values. For instance, if you value family, perhaps it is more accurate to say that you value being emotionally connected to your children.
The collaborative divorce process will also help you identify your specific goals for the future and your immediate interests. For instance, do you want your children to be able to attend a specific school or engage in particular extracurricular activities? Do you want to be debt-free? Do you want to be able to obtain education or training to explore career opportunities?
Finally, you can identify the actions that you need to take to achieve your goals. Your collaborative divorce team will help you put together a list of powerful actions that you can begin to take immediately to help you achieve your goals. You don’t need to be a victim when facing divorce. Instead, when you choose the collaborative divorce process, you can create your ideal future!