Cowboy with TWO wives opens up about how ‘plural marriage’ works – sleeping arrangements, jealousy
8 min readA cowboy who has two wives has opened up about how his ‘plural marriage’ works – from how he navigates bitter jealousy between the women and the way the three of them are raising their kids together to their sleeping arrangements and physical relationship.
Colton Winder, 34, from Utah, who is Mormon, is married to both Tami and Sophie Winder.
The throuple – who appeared in season three of TLC’s show Seeking Sister Wife – all live together in one house, along with their three kids, but it is not always easy for them.
Colton admitted that it sometimes feels like he’s ‘standing in the middle of a tornado’ due to his wives ‘very different’ personalities.
Tami and Sophie both have a physical relationship with Colton, but they do not have a physical relationship with one another.
And despite admitting that there is ‘definitely jealousy’ between them, the three of them have found a way to make their abnormal relationship work through open communication and hard work.
Colton explained that his choice to marry two different women came down to his ‘faith,’ adding that there is a ‘very religious, spiritual purpose’ behind it.
A cowboy who has two wives has opened up about how his ‘plural marriage’ works – from how he navigates bitter jealousy between the women to their sleeping arrangements
Colton Winder, 34, from Utah, who is Mormon, is married to both Tami and Sophie Winder
The throuple all live together in one house, along with their three kids, but it is not always easy for them
Clashing: Colton admitted that it sometimes feels like he’s ‘standing in the middle of a tornado’ due to his wives ‘very different’ personalities while chatting with Truly recently
‘Plural marriage for us is a little more specific than polygamy,’ he told Truly during a recent interview.
‘Plural marriage is polygamy lived with a very religious, spiritual purpose behind it. It’s more about our faith.’
In the Mormon religion, ‘It was held that a person could only attain the highest level of the celestial kingdom after death if they had been a partner in a plural marriage,’ BBC reported.
Tami and Sophie both have a physical relationship with Colton, but they do not have a physical relationship with one another
Colton and Tami got married 12 years ago. And although they both believed in ‘plural marriage’ from the start, they weren’t on the hunt for another wife right away because they believed that if it was meant to be, it would happen naturally – and it did.
‘When Colton and I got married, we both believed in plural marriage. Eventually, it got to the point of like, if we’re supposed to live this way, we’ll find another wife, and then we did,’ explained Tami.
Colton then wed Sophie in 2017, however, he called their union a ‘spiritual marriage’ since it is not legal in the state of Utah for a man to marry two women at the same time.
‘My plural marriage is not recognized legally. Tami is my legal wife, Sophie is more of a spiritual marriage,’ he said.
‘In the state of Utah, until very recently, it was actually illegal to live the way we live, now it’s not quite illegal but it’s still sort of frowned upon.’
Despite admitting that there is ‘definitely jealousy’ in their relationship, the three of them have found a way to make their relationship work through open communication and hard work
Together forever: Colton and Tami (pictured early on in their relationship) got married 12 years ago
They both believed in ‘plural marriage’ from the start, but didn’t search for another wife because they thought it would happen naturally. Colton and Tami are pictured at their wedding
And it did. Colton then wed Sophie in 2017, however, he called their union a ‘spiritual marriage’ since it is not legal in the state of Utah for a man to marry two women at the same time
For the first two years of their joint marriage, Tami and Sophie lived in separate houses because they wanted to ‘ease into’ plural marriage ‘at a comfortable pace.’
Sophie admitted that at first, she ‘didn’t know what to expect,’ with Tami adding that it ‘took a while’ for them to become comfortable with one another.
Colton explained that his choice to marry two different women came down to his ‘faith,’ adding that there is a ‘very religious, spiritual purpose’ behind it
When they finally decided to all live under one roof, it was difficult due to a clash in their personalities, but they eventually found a way to make it work.
Sophie shared: ‘The hardest part about it was realizing that Tami and I still didn’t know each other really well.
‘We didn’t understand each other’s personalities at that point. After moving in together, Tami and I finally got to know each other better and I finally got to know her personality better rather than just being totally clueless.’
At first, Colton said it felt like he was living in the middle of a ‘tornado,’ and recalled desperately trying to ‘get things to stop spinning.’
‘One thing that’s different about plural marriage is everybody comes with their own personality and Tami and Sophie are very different from each other,’ he explained.
For the first two years of their joint marriage, Tami and Sophie lived in separate houses because they wanted to ‘ease into’ plural marriage ‘at a comfortable pace’
Sophie admitted that at first, she ‘didn’t know what to expect,’ with Tami adding that it ‘took a while’ for them to become comfortable with one another
When they finally decided to all live under one roof, it was difficult due to a clash in their personalities, but they eventually found a way to make it work
‘There were hard times, between both Tami and I, Sophie and I, and Tami and Sophie together.
‘There were misunderstandings sometimes because personalities didn’t quite mesh in the beginning.
‘Sometimes it felt like I was standing in the middle of a tornado and trying to reach my hands out and get things to stop spinning for just a moment.’
Colton recalled: ‘Tami and Sophie are very different from each other. There were misunderstandings sometimes because personalities didn’t quite mesh in the beginning. Sometimes it felt like I was standing in the middle of a tornado’
One major problem that they faced was that Tami and Sophie would often compare themselves to one another, which resulted in them feeling like they weren’t good enough wives.
‘One of the other challenges I had was feeling like a [good] wife. You make a lot of comparisons,’ Sophie admitted.
‘I kind of asked Colton, “Do you have certain expectations of me as a wife?” I felt like I was falling short. But he said, “No. You’re perfect the way you are.”‘
And although they insisted that they have a great relationship now, the two women said they still get jealous of one another.
‘There’s definitely jealousies, as in any relationship. Like when Colton goes on a date with Sophie, I want to go on a date too,’ Tami revealed.
One problem that they faced was that Tami and Sophie would often compare themselves to one another, which resulted in them feeling like they weren’t good enough wives
And although they insisted that they have a great relationship now, the two women said they still get jealous of one another
‘If I’m feeling jealous about something, then there’s a need that’s not getting met and I need to communicate that need. Then Colton and Sophie will do their best to alleviate that,’ said Tami
‘But if I’m feeling jealous about something, then there’s a need that’s not getting met and I need to communicate that need. Then Colton and Sophie will do their best to alleviate that.’
Tami and Sophie do not have a physical relationship with one another, and they now think of each other as ‘sisters’
The throuple tries to go on a date night once or twice a month – sometimes with all three of them together and sometimes on separate dates.
Tami and Sophie do not have a physical relationship with one another, and they now think of each other as ‘sisters.’
‘I think I have a really good relationship with Sophie,’ gushed Tami. ‘It’s taken a lot of work to get here but I think we worked really hard to try and understand each other and to really become sisters.’
As for their sleeping arrangements, the two women each have their own bedroom, and Colton switches between them each night – which sometimes makes Sophie feel alone.
‘Tami and I both have our separate physical relationship with Colton but Tami and I do not have a physical relationship with each other,’ she said.
‘Colton doesn’t have his own room, he’ll sleep with me one night and then with Tami the next night.
‘One of the hard parts of plural marriage is having your husband gone every other night.
‘You don’t have help with getting up with the children in the middle of the night, but at the same time I know that if I really needed either of [them] I could come and get [them] and they’d help.’
‘It’s taken a lot of work to get here but I think we worked really hard to try and understand each other and to really become sisters,’ gushed Tami
As for their sleeping arrangements, the two women each have their own bedroom, and Colton switches between them each night
Tami welcomed a daughter, named Sadie, in 2016. Sophie then gave birth to a son, Ephraim, in 2020, and a daughter, Isabella, in 2021. Tami is pictured with Sadie and Colton
Working together! ‘We’re co-parents in everything. We’re raising our children together,’ said Tami
Colton said that having two wives has provided a lot of ‘personal growth’ for him because he had to ‘learn to live with two different personalities’
Tami welcomed a daughter, named Sadie, in 2016. Sophie then gave birth to a son, named Ephraim, in 2020, and a daughter, named Isabella, in 2021. Tami is now using IVF to try to have another child.
‘We’re co-parents in everything. We’re raising our children together,’ added Tami.
Colton said that having two wives has provided a lot of ‘personal growth’ for him because he had to ‘learn to live with two different personalities.’
‘The things I enjoy the most from a plural marriage, aside from the religious aspects of it, it’s a really great opportunity for personal growth because I’ve had to learn to live with two different personalities,’ he concluded.
