The grocery store is not getting any cheaper…
Food prices are getting ridiculous which has me concerned for this barbecue season. Cookouts require meat. But meat costs an arm and a leg. That’s why this streaming guide is looking at some cannibals who might’ve been onto something. I’m not saying we should start going to town on random people we meet. However, maybe we could eat the rich and see how that feels. Maybe we have a couple of enemies we’re done talking to anyway. I’m not here to judge anyone’s diet. I’m just a streaming guide girl who can’t afford meat, who watched a bunch of cannibal movies, and wanted to share my findings. Do what this info what you will.
Blood Diner (1987)
Where You Can Watch: Roku Channel
Two brothers use women as their special ingredient in their food at their diner. They’re also resurrecting a goddess on top of everything else. I’m excited to FINALLY catch this movie now that it’s streaming. All I know for sure is that this horror comedy was directed by Jackie Kong, the pictures look unhinged, and there will be cannibalism. Now that I write, that seems like the perfect summoning circle for me. Anyway, I’m positive this belongs on the list because we all know sketchy diners can’t afford meat if we can’t. Have you ever asked yourself what’s on your waffle?
The Feast (2021)
Where You Can Watch: Hulu
A young woman is serving rich people that didn’t know some of them would be on the menu. I didn’t live for this film. However, I did live to see a plate of legs get served. While this movie is trying to do a lot of things, it’s also proving that meat is murder. It also makes me think the “eat the rich” thing should be taken seriously if ground beef gets any more expensive. Sending a letter to Hy-vee right now asking them to make with the coupons or send out a CEO. Either way, this was my last meatless Monday and it’s out of my hands now.
Where You Can Watch: Hulu
A woman on dating apps finds out her ideal guy has a grim side hustle. I’ve known a couple of people who would go on dates just to eat in my day, but damn. If a cutie that looks like Sebastian Stan has to go to these lengths to be able to afford meat then what are we average people supposed to do? Like, Bucky Barnes literally walked out of Avengers HQ after being served tofurkey too many days in a row. He’s now slinging Karen chops on the Dark Amazon section reserved for rich guys. As someone who loves a good burger, I’m not sure he’s the villain we want him to be. At least not until the price of food goes back down.
Where You Can Watch: Netflix
Hazing turns deadly when it leads the new girl to start looking at her cohort as dinner. This movie was written and directed by Julia Ducournau (Titane) so you already know it’s wild. However, seeing a vegetarian start craving human flesh because she already knows she can’t afford meat while in college is heartbreaking. I went to college when food was still affordable and lived on value menu meat-like substances. I don’t blame her for inviting her friends to the cookout and seeing what happens.
We Are What We Are (2013)
A weird family has incorporated cannibalism into their daily diet. This movie gives you ideas for sides for your cannibal barbecue. This is America and we love to over indulge so it makes sense that we would put meat into our side dishes, too. The soup looks gross so I would skip it. However, when the kids have enough of dad’s shit and start biting him that makes you wish they had an appetizer or something. I still haven’t seen the original, which I hear is better, but this one has images in my mind and cards in my imaginary Betty Crocker recipe box.
I hope this streaming guide gave you a lot to chew on. Hopefully, you’ll understand that I will have follow up questions if you invite me to your cookouts, barbecues, etc. While I’m not a fan of telling people what to eat, I am not on the menu.
Do you have a favorite cannibal movie streaming that didn’t make the list? Then let me know at @misssharai